Cognitive Space - DJ Tendai

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The Great Beard Experiment

By on 21/02/2013

Despite my age I’ve never been able to grow a full on beard, even my younger siblings are capable. Its award season and red carpets every where have been full of beards, and the media have officially said that the beard is back. Even my favourite show – Spartacus the beard is inescapable – as each series goes by and Spartacus & his band of merry men become more powerful their beards become more rugged…..why this relationship between beardedness and ruggedness?


I decided to take advantage of the fact that I was a quiet month & that I’m now in a relationship and can let myself go a little and attempt to grow a beard. Add onto the fact that with the extreme weather outside my hair was also the longest it had ever been in 10 years.


The initial part of the beard growing experiment wasn’t easy – it itched so bad it gave me an insight into what its like to have crabs, I scratched so much I broke the skin. After a while the itchiness resided and I had (what sort of resembled) a beard.


It was ungroomed and extremely patchy and resembled more a Gorilla mask then a full on beard. For those who Don’t watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (one of the greatest comedy shows on TV) a gorilla mask is when a handfull of shaved pubes are thrown onto a persons face while they are sleeping, with a sticky substance previously applied

gorilla mask

Looking in the mirror I’d flip flop between loving it and wanting to punch myself in the face


The leadership journal have produced this guide to various types of beards and what they mean


I guess mine lays somewhere around a patchivist. I’d like to make another addition to their list















= DICK!!!!


There is something about seeing his bearded face that makes me wanna punch him in the face – maybe beards are punch inducing.


I decided to let the people decide my beard’s fate. The initial feedback was that I looked trampy, like a hobo, asked if I had joined the Taliban and looked like a young Trevor MacDonald (which I still don’t know if to take as a complement or a diss). My friends I bumped into in Shoreditch loved the look (typical). My mother threatened to sneak into my flat and cut off my beard in my sleep at which point the great beard experiment came to an end and I went back to my slightly stubbly shaved face and headed self – and I look better for it, and am no longer getting weird looks from senior management at work. According to Pajiba the way to go is the half beard look as their picture comparisons show

When I’m able to grow a beard that doesn’t look like a gorilla mask maybe that’s the look I’ll go for rather than letting it all hang out, but then again one of the main reasons why I shave my head is so I don’t have to comb it in the morning, so maybe I’ll forever be stuck with an unrugged look


This whole issue about beards and ruggedness reminds me of this amazing episode of Dextors Laboratory where he decides through the appliance of science to give himself a beard to make himself more rugged

Maybe Action Hank is right the ruggedness is on the inside…….we’ll that’s what I’ll believe until I’m actually capable of growing a beard again